Tough Mudder 2014: The Unfattening of The Chesterfield: Ecks Versus Sever

Tough Mudder. Its coming up in May and I'm a bit terrified because that's like four months away and I just had my second iced pumpkin muffin of the day. It's basically the same as the Warrior dash, just thrice as long; maybe fourice (yes, I just made up that word. I checked and there is officialy nothing after thrice. [except Dustin Kensrue solo albums, HI-YO!]) Anyhow, suffice it to say, I am once again (still?) out of shape and in desperate need of a kick in the pants to keep me going. This is more than just a kick in the pants. This is this guy.

Also, there is a section where they shock you with electricity, so I got that going for me.

Warrior Dash 2012

This is the Warrior Dash that Fizzo, Kevin, and I did. It was 5k filled with huge obstacles, and was muddy and difficult. I realized that the obstacles were not that difficult, but the running was the hard part. Anyway, I am a crappy runner. We all know that.

Well, I did it.

I have mostly recovered from the nonsense that was the half marathon. Laura and I ran some of it and walked a lot of it. We are wimps, but hey, when was the last time you did thirteen miles? We finished near the rear (heh heh), but we finished. While, we are feeling better for the most part, this is how I felt Monday morning.



In time, when we get our pictures, I will post them on here and I will also show you the medal I received. I learned a lot from this whole experience and am looking forward to never doing one of these again. Okay, that's a lie. Laura and I are doing a full marathon next year, and possibly doing another half in June. We'll have to see about that. In the mean time, thanks for following this escapade in ididocy. In the ifnal analysis, I did not reach my goal of being Steve Prefontaine's mustache. I don't even think I was his bikini zone. Soon though, I will get my act together.

Your comrade in legs,
Devin Fletcher

He'll be missed. Yes.

So tomorrow's the race, and I am actually excited for it. Tonight, we went to the Phoenix Health Expo and got our race numbers and our little tracking tags, and tomorrow we are getting ready to regret tomorrow.

I might die. If I do, you guys can divy up my stuff. Darson can have my shoes, Jack can have my wife*, and Beth Rosenfeld can have my Star of David ring. The rest can be split between you all. I imagine some sort of Amok Time style Battle for my book collection.



Laura and I have just carbo-loaded, which I hear is what we're supposed to do the night before a big race, as if we're going to be sprinting or something. Anyway, we are excited for tomorrow, and by we, I mean me. Laura is less than thrilled, to put it lightly. It was easier to root out the vietcong than to get her in the car tonight.

Well, wish us luck. Come to our joint funeral on Monday. We're having three kegs.

Devin Fletcher


*See Ruth chapter 3

T-minus 2 days

So here's the score. I am doing this thing on Sunday that you might have heard about. My circumcis- I mean, I'm running a half-marathon. Tonight we watched "The Biggest Fatty" on TV and I realized that I am not as out of shape as I thought. It doesn't mean I am in great shape, but I have lost nine pounds.

My belly is smaller, my he-hooters are shrinking and the rest of my body is exactly the same as always. In honor of my diminishing double D's, I bring you http://www.marvelousmanboobs.com. Merry Chestmas.

Anyway, laura and I are going down to the expo tomorrow to get our numbers and the final info. Wish us luck.

Devin Fletcher

The Home Stretch

Y'all ready for this? *cue techno*, because I'm not. *stop techno*

I have been exercising this past month a decent amount, but I also ate a lot of food. A lot of food, and I feel I am less ready than I should be. Keep in mind, it was a lot of food. I have like two weeks left until D-day and I feel as confident for it as those gents piling out of the boats onto the shores of Normandy. So, I will keep practicing and keep exercising. I am finally free of injury setbacks, but I feel like my time has been decimated. I am still going to run . . . walk/run . . . walk . . . limp . . . jazzy this thing, but I am pretty certain that my pace won't be anything record setting. Unless you count slowest half marathon ever. Kind of like that scene at the beginning of Office Space where Peter is stuck in traffic and the guy with a walker is making better time than his car. Anyhow, the only prize I will get is a ribbon that reads "Participant". I'll treasure it always.

Devin

Devin Fletcher, Not a Jew

Sorry to disappoint Beth, I will not be joining your brood any time soon (see previous post), because I have once again been revitalized. Today, I did two miles of a run/walk. My ribs are feeling mostly healed and I will not be defeated.

Last night in class, we talked about sabotage, and sometimes I feel like I sabotage myself, by too often taking the easy way out, being content with mediocrity when I am capable of greatness. And I am capable of greatness. Twas the poet, actually he's a senator now, who said, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me." So, even though I'm kind of a fatty, and even though I am not running's biggest fan, and even though injuries have put me behind schedule, I am not quitting. I am making P.F. Chang, his stupid race, and by extension most of east Asia, my beeotch.

Kim Jong Il, Godzilla, Hu Jin Tao, Lucy Liu, Lisa Ling, Charlie Chan, Hello Kitty, Collins Elementary 92-96, The Crying Indian*, Connie Chung, The Panda Express Panda, Chinese Hutchins, You're all on my list. Watch out.

*No, he's not asian, but he's not an Indian either, so whattayagonnado?